voice testing one, two.... one, two... Let's put something up that I'll be humiliated by later!

[dalewithit]

 Diane, I'm just now entering the boundaries of the town dubbed C-F-U-D (I'll spare you the language of it) and I do believe we're on the right track. A very friendly local in a curious purple lowland-gorilla costume took the time to answer a few questions. He was polite enough but a bit gruff and... Hands on. But if I've learned anything from Twin Peaks, it's to get on with the residents early. What that gentleman does in his own time is his business... Unless it is of a criminal intent, of course. 

But Diane, the thing that has really caught my eye are the trees that actually sprout undergarments! Genuine, honest to goodness BVDs... From blossom to... Well I won't call it ripening. I've never seen anything like it before, naturally, and I must have you send me a book on horticulture. I'll get you the address just as soon as I've found a reasonably priced establishment--

[And lo... There is a tall man in a trenchcoat walking around the outside of Camp, detailing his every move and thought into a tape recorder]

Comments

[pussyfortono]

. . .

[ he notices you and realizes that you're probably new, considering he's been in camp for around four years and hasn't seen you around before. he hesitates before he walks forward to meet you head on ]

Hello.

[dalewithit]

[Turning on his heel towards you]

Ah! Excellent, Diane I will have to continue this later. [And the recorder is clicked off]

Good afternoon.

[pussyfortono]

Is this your first time here?

[dalewithit]

It is, indeed. Special Agent Dale Cooper of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and I'm here to talk to one... Marcy? Yes, Marcy down at the sheriff's station.

[pussyfortono]

Marcy is a giant cephalopod.

[dalewithit]

...Ah.

Well then clearly that's been a bit of misinformation. How about I just get directions to the office, then? Not that giant cephalod's aren't interesting but business first.

[pussyfortono]

What office?

[dalewithit]

The sheriff's office.

[It's okay, he's used to dealing with Andy so things are repeated nice and politely :)]

[pussyfortono]

There is none.

[dalewithit]

Then whatever you have for local authority will be just fine. Apparently the mixup back at home base was quite a doozy.

[pussyfortono]

There is none of that either.

[dalewithit]

[. . .]

[pussyfortono]

I apologize but the only person who has any authority here has hidden herself from us for years.

[dalewithit]

A reclusive personality?

[pussyfortono]

Somewhat, yes.

[dalewithit]

That does complicate things a bit. I will review and approach with appropriate caution and respect then! I appreciate the information, ah... What was your name?

[pussyfortono]

Shiba Takeru.

[dalewithit]

It's nice to meet you, Mr. Takeru. In the absence of a local judicial office, could you instead point me in the direction of the nearest reasonably priced hotel? It doesn't need to be anything fancy or flashy -I'm not that type of person- but clean and simple would be very much appreciated. ...And reasonably priced. I'm not one to squander government funds.

[pussyfortono]

There is the love hotel.